June 3, 2007

Republicans aren't the only reason we have the inexplicable phenomenon of the George Bush presidency.

By Ed Martin

George Bush is the worst and most hated President in US history. I could write pages of purple adjectives from the fields of psychology, psychiatry, venality and villiany describing George Bush. You know them all. You've heard them all. The complete list of derogatory adjectives is wholly inadequate to describe George Bush.

We know that the Republicans, with the few exceptions who are afraid that Bush's exposure as a complete doofus will hurt their chances for re-election, still support Bush and are partly responsible for Bush being president. The other part of that responsibility is people you know and their ennui, boredom and lack of interest.

They come home from work, plop down on the couch, punch up the TV, punch up Domino's Delivers, switch off the brain, go into a catatonic stupor and stare at a glass and plastic box for the next four hours. The most important knowledge they possess is how to punch a few f-ing buttons.

Definition of catatonic schizophrenia from the DSM IV: unaware of surroundings, motoric immobility, catalepsy, stupor, mutism, rigid posture, resistant to be moved. Note that that is also the exact description of someone watching TV. You are what you do.

The only time these people come out of their lethargic stupor and show some signs of animation is while watching another inexplicable phenomenon called football. This is an event where two groups of very large men are willing to commit assault and battery on each other over a disagreement based on a delusion. The delusion is that it's vitally important which side of a line on the ground a footbell should be placed. There are a couple of remedies for this delusion. Give each man a football and let him place it on either side of a line on the ground until he sees that there is no effect. Or, take the football and throw it in the trash can, eliminating the reason for the disagreement.

The people who are so fascinated by this utterly pointless exercise in delusion go to vote with no idea who they're going to vote for until the look at the ballot. They then vote for the one who most closely matches the juvenile characteristics they've come to admire as shown on TV, which is aimed at the juvenile market. In the last two presidential elections, this has been George Bush. You remember when you were a kid playing let's pretend: OK, guys, I'm the cop and you're the robbers, or, I'm the cowboy and you're the Indians. Now, listen to Bush: I'm the President, I'm the decider, I'm the commander guy. See what I mean? A grown man still playing let's pretend.

The fact that you'e reading this is evidence that you're not among those people. They've never heard of OpEdNews. But, you know some of them. Go right now and double-slap them to get their attention and show them what they've done. Explain to them how they have unwittingly (not knowing, unaware, ignorant, oblivious, unconscious) helped bring about the malignancy on our country that is George Bush. Inform them that by merely paying attention, they can correct the great wrong that has been done and help us remove George Bush from the presidency.

Authors Bio: Ed Martin is an unindicted curmudgeon. He is not a Democrat, Republican, conservative, liberal, deist, atheist, or a member of any -ism.